STRAIGHTWRY COLUMN Aug 25-31

Forget PM, Study My Dog

So the entire nation is atwitch and atwitter about what went on in the premier’s mind when he announced his retirement. Was he sad, mad, dejected, cunning, mischievous or vengeful or was he, perhaps, just doing what his wife Aline told him to do without asking her why?

There is similar fruitless speculation about the mental processes of Paul Martin, Stephen Harper, Joe Clark and a clutch of other big ruling class names.

At the risk of seeming unappreciative of the loquacious metropolitan press pundits, let it be said that some of us prefer to cogitate about issues which are smaller and nearer to our daily lives.

Is there, for instance, anybody out there who can explain the thoughts of my German Shorthair Pointer? They are too deep, too strange, for me. Mankind has been living with dogs for company for at least ten thousand years and probably far longer. Yet there is much we cannot know about them.

Sometimes we think we can readily identify some emotions. Curiosity, when the head is cocked slightly to one side and the gaze at the owner is intense. Happiness seems readily identifiable. So does love and, some dog owners say, also humor. Yet how often are we completely unable to read what lies behind those soft brown eyes?

Some men say dogs are like women, they’re affectionate, warm hearted and wonderful company but you never really know what they are thinking.

Anybody who can diagnose the case is my hunting dog, Jose, is welcome to try.

Being a gun dog, few things excite him more than to see me take the 12 gauge off the wall. He is then thirty kilos of excitement, often more than a small room can comfortably contain.

A recurrent fear of any bird hunter is that he will buy a pup who turns out to be gunshy and useless for any hunting. It happens in the best of breeds, not necessarily because of some frightening experience but as simple twist of the gene pattern.

Having bought several hunting pups over the past thirty years, I always feared getting a gunshy dopg, one who, when his infirmity became known, would already have claimed a place as a member of the family who could not be given away or sold.

Years ago, I made it a custom to fire a cap pistol when a puppy was feeding. The idea--it was a human idea only--was that he or she would associate loud noises with pleasurable activity. None of them ever paid the slightest attention to anything except the groceries and I abandoned the practice. With or without this conditioning, I have never had a gunshy dog and the Shorthair is no exception.

He has been shot over for years, never flinching even when, in canoe shooting, when he was in front and I was firing from the back, he must have needed his ear flaps to tolerate the muzzle blast.

The puzzling thing? He is afraid to the point of being neurotic about all the other loud noises.

Thunder terrifies him. Before the rumble of an advancing thunderstorm is close enough for me to hear, he will come from whatever part of the house or yard he is in and press against me. If it becomes very loud, he trembles.

Well, thunder is not exactly like a gunshot, except occasionally when it is close enough to sound like a cannon. What of other noises which, like guns, are artificial noises?

The the mystery deepens. This dog finds firecrackers even more frightening than thunderstorms. Halloween is not a happy time in this household.

In Mexico, where he also gets shot over regularly in the quail and White Winged dove patches, firecrackers are common for many celebrations. Mexicans are convinced that the Virgin of Guadalupe loves the sound of rockets and street grenades and they spend their pesos freely to honor her by day and by night in December.

Last year, Guadalupe Day was ushered in at 4 a.m. with a great loud explosion in the village town square, almost a kilometer distant from our house. Normally Jose merely jumps up on the bed when the night explosions go off but this time he burrowed under the covers beside me.

No human has yet explained this to me and no dog can.

If the newspaper people could drag their attention away from the prime minister, perhaps they have some suggestions.

-30-